PitterPatterFeet

Where Smart Kids Get On Their Feet !
Home » Conscious Parenting » Teaching Our Children Correct And Acceptable Behavior Is A Process

Teaching Our Children Correct And Acceptable Behavior Is A Process

Teaching is a process, not an event. Remembering this will help us to have more patience with our children and help us to manage our expectations of them.  And while I know all parents, teachers and everyone that works with children knows this, sometimes we need to be reminded of it. Listed below are two ways to make the process easier and to see results.

1. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND YOUR NEEDS FIRST

As parents, especially mothers  have a tendency to always put our children first. We can still accomplish our desire to put our children first by taking care of ourselves first. By taking care of ourselves first we will have the energy, patience and the ability to tap into our wisdom to take care of our children and our families. This is not a selfish thing but a big picture, wholistic concept.

Taking care of your family by starting with yourself makes sense and since parents are really at the hub of the family wheel by taking care of themselves they keep the wheel rolling so to speak. Start with your most basic needs and expand from there. Your basic needs are proper rest, nutrition and moving your body. Also include emotional and spiritual needs, things like smiling, sighing, taking some deep breaths and closing your eyes for a few minutes can really recharge your emotional and spiritual selves.

Social needs are a top priority also. We all have a need to feel loved, cared for and connected to others. So find time to connect with your mate, family and friends. Watching others connect also provides benefits for you, so watch a love story, or your children playing in the park. When we feel alone and isolated this contributes to stress and does not feed us emotional, spiritually or socially.

2. GIVE YOUR CHILD CLEAR RULES IN SIMPLE LANGUAGE

Think about the most important things you need to happen to keep your child and family safe and for things to run smoothly. One major one I find for parents is to have their children follow instructions and requests immediately and to do it the first time.

So if this is the most pressing thing this is what you have to teach and this is a rule. Rule Number One: Follow Instructions Fast. Or, Mommy and Daddy will only ask one time. These two are not actually the same thing. So you would have to pick what’s the most important to you, having them respond quicker or not having to repeat yourself. In the beginning you cannot have both, remember this is a process so it needs to happen gradually.

Some people will say that I can have both I will just get my belt and that will settle things really fast. I will get the response with speed and I will only have to say ” I’m going to get my belt.” and nothing else. But this is what else you will get. You will get a child that learns that violence and hitting gets you what you want and you will see that behavior exhibited in both home, school and social situations. I’m sure that’s not what you want to teach your child. In addition you don’t want others to have to hit your child to get them to behave and follow instructions or requests.

3. UNDERSTAND THAT CHILDREN NEED A LITTLE MORE TIME TO RESPOND

Imagine you are involved in your most favorite activity. It is giving you such great and wonderful feelings that you can taste it. In walks your mate and says “You need to go to the store and get some butter.” What do you say, ” Let me finish this honey and I’ll get right to it.” Some of you are saying ” Oh no D’TaRelle not me, if my child asks for something I hop to it right away.” That may be true but look at the fact that you are fully grown and mature. You have learned delayed gratification skills and that you can wait.

Now think back to your child. They haven’t mastered self control yet. They haven’t learned that they can come back to the favorite activity. They haven’t learned delayed gratification yet they want it NOW!

So think about this and remember that this is a process for you too to teach it. So be patient with yourself and forgiving. Give it your best effort. If you take care of yourself you will have the stamina and patience  to persevere and stick with it until you succeed. YOU CAN DO IT !

6 Responses to “Teaching Our Children Correct And Acceptable Behavior Is A Process”

  1. These are some very good rules that can head off a lot of child/parent conflict before they start. I like your continuous long-term focus on what we want our child to become, rather than our often short-sighted focus on keeping the peace. Great post. :)

    • D'TaRelle F. Tullis says:

      Hi Erin,
      I thought that I had responded to this before but at the time it wouldn’t post a reply. Sorry about that. Any way thank you so very much for noticing the long term focus. I think it’s very important to try and think about both the long and the short term impact of things especially as it relates to children. As a parent myself I do understand that sometimes you are too pooped and just want peace. But that’s why I also advocate taking care of yourself, giving to yourself so that you will have the energy and stamina to be long term focused. 😉

  2. I found you through UBC. As I read your post I remember my son when he was a willful little toddler. Great blog, have a lovely day!!

    • D'TaRelle F. Tullis says:

      Thank you for stopping by and commenting Nicole. Thanks also for the compliment about my blog. Those toddlers are my favorite, they tickle me with how willful they are and how they can do everything themselves. Words like “We do it weselves.” and “Me do it!” just tickles me and brings me so much joy. Please stop by and comment again and have a great day! :-)

  3. Great tips. Today it seems that we have a world full of selfish want it now type of kids. But who is to blame for this? Parents. Its time for people with children to remember they already have one full time job and that is to raise your children.

    • D'TaRelle F. Tullis says:

      Thank you Shawn. I do think that parents do want to do a good job of raising their children but they feel overwhelmed with so many other challenges. This is why I try to offer as much support as possible because as a parent myself I know that although it is a rewarding experience it can also be a very challenging one. Thanks again for your comment and stopping by and please do so again.:-)

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge