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Gettting Your Child To Listen To You By Talking To Them

One of the biggest concerns that my parents discuss with me is getting their child to listen to them and behave. I find that many of the teachers that I train and consult with experience the same dilemma. There are two things that help children to listen and behave. One of them is obvious,  by setting limits and guidelines along with consequences for not following those guidelines and limits, children learn to behave. The other thing that is not so obvious is developing a loving connection with your child by  talking to them.

 

CONNECT BEFORE YOU DIRECT

Talking with children is one of the best ways to connect with them and show that you love and care about them. When children feel loved and cared for this helps them to build a connection. Once the connection is established it is a lot easier to give guidance as well as correction. Because this guidance and correction is coming from a place of caring it is a lot easier for children to cooperate instead of resist. Talking to your child also balances out the times that you have to correct and give guidance and direction.

LEARN TO LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD

Children will find it much easier to listen to you when you listen to them. You can start this as early as when they are infants. When my daughter was two weeks old we were in the store just having the grandest of conversations. I would ask her what she thought of the dress and did she think it was a nice color and would she like to wear it. She would babble bunches of unintelligible sounds back to me. As she did I was silent  and looked into her eyes while she babbled on. I was totally 100%  focused on her and what she was saying even though I didn’t know what she was saying.

I pretended to understand every word and answered back. This did two things, it helped her to speak clearly and concisely and built up her vocabulary very quickly. At the age of two she had a very extensive vocabulary and could speak so clearly people didn’t believe she was just 2. In addition to learning to speak she also learned how to listen. Because I looked her in her eyes she felt important and validated and we were making a connection.

I was also providing an example for her on how to listen. She learned this experiencing it in our conversations. We were able to build a strong and loving connection, where both people were shown respect and acknowledged. She learned at a very early age that she could talk to me and I would listen. She also learned that she had something valuable and important to say.

Doing something as simple as listening to your child helps to lay the ground work for them to listen to you because they know you care. When you make the practice of listening to your child during times when you are not correcting them or disciplining them it makes listening when they are being corrected not something that they have to get defensive about, feel threatened or ashamed about.

Try this simple technique of listening more. You will find that you will bond more with your child. You will not feel that you are always scolding your child and lastly you find that because you are paying more attention to them, they will not have the need to seek attention in a negative way. Try it and let me know how it turns out. I ‘d love to hear from you.

 

 

 

2 Responses to “Gettting Your Child To Listen To You By Talking To Them”

  1. D’Tarelle I love this post. I’m stopping by from UBC.

    I wish more people would take your advice. It makes my skin crawl when adults dismiss children. People don’t understand that you are training them every time you do or don’t interact with them.

    Adults are so worried about asserting authority and not realizing they are actually weakening it!

    • D'TaRelle F. Tullis says:

      Yes Stephanie you are training your children by how you interact with them and not interact with them. There’s a saying “Connect before you direct.” it is so powerful. Thanks for stopping by and commenting and please come again. :-)

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